This year we bought her flowers

Today my mom should be celebrating her 75 birthday with us. However, she is in Heaven celebrating the almost 6 months she has been with the Lord. Every year we would ask her what she wanted. Always it was small things like bath and body. Usually I spend a few weeks trying to figure out what to buy her. I wanted to get her new cars, diamonds, cruises. However, my budget never allowed for such things. This year was easy, be bought her flowers to place on her grave. Daley and I started our day by dropping everyone else off at school. We then went to take care of the animals. We have to walk right by my moms door. The room is empty, I know. I couldn't help but think that we should be going inside to see my mom sitting in her chair as I convince her to get dressed so we could take her to breakfast. My mom had one of those smiles that brightened a room. She would offer to make Daley chocolate milk, yogurt, whatever she wanted. Always serving others even when it was her day. But today we walked by and feed the animals. We went to buy flowers. Daley said for dead Grandma? She can't even see them! Truth from a four year old. I knew the flowers were really for me. A way of saying I remember. I haven't moved on. As I placed them there Daley was running about. I was crying. The pain of her absence hurts me so deeply. Death sucks. As Daley started to run too far I was yelling for her to stop. I could hear my mom. She would say, Go. She doesn't want to stand around here and look at some rock with my name on it. She wants to go have fun. Get on with it. My mom is right. My mom was not there today. Neither was my dad. They are together again for on her birthday. Everyday is a reminder if her absence. She missed the first day of school this year. She won't be with me to take Daley to her first day preschool next week.She went to everything and had a way of making the most ordinary day a special one. I wonder if they have birthdays in Heaven. Like how many years you've been in eternity. My mom would make you your favorite dinner. I miss you mom. More and more everyday...