a miracle

So I've noticed latly that God usally doesn't answer my prayers until the "11th hour". Or at least that's what it feels like.I don't think it is because I'm learning patience although I'm definitely learning it. I think it's because if He did it any sooner I think it was me and and not give him the proper glory and credit He deserves. Just an observation while I'm out here floating waiting for the tide to take me back to shore......

Buoy

That's what I feel like most days, a buoy. I float out in the ocean, lots of people see me. A few fish come by now and then. Sometimes a huge wave comes crashing down causing me to fight to reach the top or stabilize in the water. A few things are constant I'm always here floating up and down with the current. I can do nothing to control what happens around me or the next direction my life takes. Only my Maker who put me here can. It's His plan and His ocean. He brings people into my life and takes them out. He determines how long I stay in this spot and when He will move me. He controls the wind and the waves. I blogged before about peaks and valleys. Don't fell like I'm climbing a mountain anymore. I felt in control of thing then. Like I was the one climbing the mountain with Jesus right next to me. Now I feel like I have no control. There is nothing I can do to change my current situation. I will just wait until the Lord changes the current. Until then I'm just out here ....floating.......

How are you doing?

I get asked this ALOT lately.  Truth is it changes day to day sometimes moment to moment. So my usual answer is "ok". Because I am. I'm just ok. I miss my mom. I miss so many things about her. I still haven't figured out what our lives look like without her. I hurt for my kids who are really beginning to miss her. I miss her cooking, her laugh, her millions of phone call. I even miss the way she would ring the door bell like 10 times whenever she came over, always might I add, unannounced. I have not kicked the feeling that this is a terrible mistake and she is going to walk through my front door and the kids will run to hug her like always. Ugg this sucks. So I'm thinking ok is good. It has been 1 month. Some people would say I should be feeling better now. I'm not. I'm just ok.......