This year we bought her flowers

Today my mom should be celebrating her 75 birthday with us. However, she is in Heaven celebrating the almost 6 months she has been with the Lord. Every year we would ask her what she wanted. Always it was small things like bath and body. Usually I spend a few weeks trying to figure out what to buy her. I wanted to get her new cars, diamonds, cruises. However, my budget never allowed for such things. This year was easy, be bought her flowers to place on her grave. Daley and I started our day by dropping everyone else off at school. We then went to take care of the animals. We have to walk right by my moms door. The room is empty, I know. I couldn't help but think that we should be going inside to see my mom sitting in her chair as I convince her to get dressed so we could take her to breakfast. My mom had one of those smiles that brightened a room. She would offer to make Daley chocolate milk, yogurt, whatever she wanted. Always serving others even when it was her day. But today we walked by and feed the animals. We went to buy flowers. Daley said for dead Grandma? She can't even see them! Truth from a four year old. I knew the flowers were really for me. A way of saying I remember. I haven't moved on. As I placed them there Daley was running about. I was crying. The pain of her absence hurts me so deeply. Death sucks. As Daley started to run too far I was yelling for her to stop. I could hear my mom. She would say, Go. She doesn't want to stand around here and look at some rock with my name on it. She wants to go have fun. Get on with it. My mom is right. My mom was not there today. Neither was my dad. They are together again for on her birthday. Everyday is a reminder if her absence. She missed the first day of school this year. She won't be with me to take Daley to her first day preschool next week.She went to everything and had a way of making the most ordinary day a special one. I wonder if they have birthdays in Heaven. Like how many years you've been in eternity. My mom would make you your favorite dinner. I miss you mom. More and more everyday...

Nothing Profound

So sometimes I sit down to blog realizing that I have nothing really profound to say. So for this post just honesty. Spiritual- I'm struggling to read my Bible again. Why? I have lost the passion. I don't "feel' like it. That is dangerous anytime I start acting on feeling I get into trouble. So today I signed up for a daily devotion that also has a link to a daily Bible passage. Weak I know but it is a start right? Wife- I could be better. I have allowed kids schedules and my tiredness to inter fear with household duties. However I think I've done pretty well at moral support. Bill has had a rough week and I've done everything I can think of to be positive. Mom- Um I always feel like I'm treading water here. Macey is a pre teen. Will becoming a young man, and Daley is no longer a toddler. Wow. I wasn't ready for this. Lots of time on my knees before God. Emotionally- m I miss my mom. It hurts. I DREAD the coming holidays. Her birthday is this week. I go grocery shopping and what to call and tell her that her favorite Asian pears are on sale at Sprouts. I'm sitting in her chair that doesn't smell like her as much anymore. Next week will be 6 months...... That's me today. Let's see where tomorrow leads.

I have no buisness blogging right now

Ok So I'm in a whirlwind. I have so many things on my plate. My dad would always say, "Genie, you have to many irons in the fire. If you are not careful one is going to go out." It is me. It is how I'm wired. I do not ask for help, I power through. I don't complain. Why? I love it. I love having my plate so full with people and activities that I'm nearly overwhelmed! Bill not so much. He likes things easy and free. So this post is to tell you two things . One I let someone help me today. You know who you are. Thanks.
two. Bill is amazing. He has taken these crazy weeks in complete stride. As he walked in from a VERY stressful few days at work. I was on the phone defusing a minor issue for marriage getaway. I spent the next hour working on that. Only to see him in the kitchen making dinner with a great attitude as I was going to a dinner meeting for mg. He called because I was late coming home. He left early for work so he could be here on time for small group tonight. He normal starts work at 6 so early is really early. He gets me. He gets that internally I could not be happier. After 11 years he also knows that at the slightest resistance from him, no matter how great everything else is, I would be a wreck. He knows my love language is all of them. At times like these it is acts of service and words. He has filled me to the top this week and I had to take time out of all the tasks sitting here on my desk to tell you!

11 years

Sorry, no wedding pics. Most of you know why. Anyway, 11 years ago I unknowingly set out on the adventure of my life. We have lived in 5 different places. Bought 2 homes, sold one. Had three amazing children. Fought, made up. Compromised, given in. We have experienced life, and death. Been scared, insure. Felt comfort and complete security. This past 11 years I have had the most fun, most love, most pain, most comfort, most everything. We've seen each other at our best and at our worst. There is no one I would rather experience life with. Bill is my BEST friend. He is the one I want to spend time with, talk with, and just be with. I told him after my mom died he better really like me because now there wasn't anyone to send me back to. I know he does and thank God for bring us together!!!!

So

Ok it's been awhile. Summer has been good. Life is going ok. I've stayed very busy doing the two things I love, being a mom and planning events. It has been good to be "Busy". We have decided to put Daley at the Grove 2 days a week until Decmber when she will switch to Harvest FULL TIME. Wow, Three kids in school all day everyday. It's a little scary. I plan on painting and decorating at home (it really needs it) Also, I'm hoping to scrapbook and sell some junk on ebay and craigslist. I will also be alone. That is what scares me. Dealing with the loss of my mom at times feels like looking into a gysier. I'm not certain when it is going to go off but when it does it's gonna burn. I don't want to go there. I don't talk about it. Don't ask don't tell makes it not true right? Not sure to blog much more of my emotions these days are a little to real for even me to admit. We will see how it goes.............