True confessions

One time was dating this guy I really didn't like. He was super nice so I didn't know how to break up with him. He showed up at my house one day unannounced and I really didn't want to see him. So my room mates hid me in one of their closets. Problem was that he said he would wait for me he to get home. They had to sneak me out through the garage so I could act like my sister dropped me off and walk through the front door. The best part was he was waiting for me to show up so he could break up with me.  I have always wondered if we pulled that off or if he knew I was in the closet!  Ok your turn. Spill it!!!!

I think I need to read this....

I have been following the story of a sweet little 5 year old fight brain cancer . I can't imagine the pain they are going through. All I can offer is my prayers. Her dad has a blog and today he recaps a book he just finished. I am not dealing with a life threating illness in my child and chances are neither are you. How ever in times like these I think this sounds like somethings we all need to be reminded of. I'm going out to get the book tomorrow.....

Trusting God (my latest read)

By aaronmcrae
on Uncategorized

The
other day I finished reading “Trusting God: Even When Life Hurts” by
Jerry Bridges here are a some of the highlights for me. This was not an
easy read for me at this time but it was an important one. I tried to
reduce my selection of thoughts but found most too hard to delete. So
here they are…(BOLD added by me)

-As Augustine said, “Nothing, therefore, happens unless the Omnipotent wills it to happen; he either permits it to happen, or he brings it about himself.”

-Our first priority in times of adversity is to honor and glorify God by trusting him…we
honor God by choosing to trust him when we don’t understand what He is
doing or why he has allowed some adverse circumstance to occur.

-God’s sovereignty and God’s promises were intended to stimulate prayer…Because God is sovereign, He is able to answer. Because He is faithful to His promises, He will answer.

-God
always has a purpose for the grief He brings or allows in our lives.
Most often we do not know what that purpose is, but it is enough to
know that His infinite wisdom and perfect love have determined that the
particular sorrow is best for us. God never wastes pain.

-Although we may be going to the Scriptures to learn how to respond to our adversities, we find those adversities help us to understand the Scriptures.

-For the believer all pain has meaning; all adversity is profitable.

-…trusting God is first of all a matter of the will and is not dependent on my feelings. I choose to trust God, and my feelings eventually follow.

-We are responsible to obey the will of God, but we are dependent upon the Holy Spirit for the enabling power to do it.

Most embarrasing moment...

 
Ok I've had some big ones to share! But yours first!!!!! Comment them here. No one reads this blog anyway and it will be good to get it off your chest!

This kid has a bright future

Chasing Rainbows

I am an extrovert. I LOVE to be with people and I love to make them laugh. I have for a long time now desired a core group of friends. You know the kind that really know you and STILL want to be your friend. The ones that you can have conflict with and still be friends after. The plan seem great. Except for two things. I need to really believe that if someone gets to know me they will still like me and all my issues! Hum. That's an issue in itself. The other is I keep chasing rainbows. I have invest too much time and energy in people who do not care for or love me. They want to hang out if no one else is available. They seem like fun great people and for others they are. I run after them like I would a rainbow. It seem beautiful and inviting as it streaks across the sky. The problem is you can never catch it. If you chase after a rainbow and it is never attainable and eventually it will go away. The sad part of this that I have people in my life that want to be with me. The believe in me, pray for me, enjoy my company. Yet I miss out because I'm off chasing rainbows...... Well no more. I have realized that no matter how fast I run I will be disapointed. There is no pot of gold at the end. I'm goingt o invest in the beautiful friends God has brought into my life and the want to experience this crazy ride with me. Even if I'm only there for the comic relief!!!!:)

Been a busy week.

So between soccer, 4-H and not feeling good, it has been a crazy week. Thought I'd share my kids cute buyer letters. I should have scanned them and put them on here but I'm too busy for the extra step. Just know that they put them all in their own writing.

Macey

September 20, 2009

Dear   ,

This is my first year in 4-H. I am a member of the Perris Panthers 4-H Club. I would like to invite you to the Southern California Fair and Livestock Auction.

The first to sale is the small livestock sale on Saturday, October 18th at 9:00 am. The large livestock will follow. I am planning to sell my market hog at this sale.

I have spent a lot of hours on feeding, watering, walking, and grooming Diva, my Hampshire market hog, for show and sale at the fair. I hope you will be able to attend this year’s sale to support 4-H project animals.

Come enjoy a day at the Fair, see all the 4-H animals and spend some time in the auction barn. Your bids will make a difference whether you buy Diva or some other member’s 4-H animal.

Sincerely,

Macey Tibbetts

Will

Dear,

My name is Will. I'm selling my turkey at the So Cal Fair October 18th. I hope you will think about buying him.

Thank you,

Will Tibbetts

Pass along the info to anyone who may want a frezer full of pork or the most delicious turkey ever on Thanksgiving!!!

Choosing to fill the vase

Awhile back ago Matt did a sermon that changed the course of our lives. He was preaching about when Jesus turned water into wine at the wedding. Jesus mother told the servants to do whatever he told them to do. Jesus told the servant to go fill the empty vases with water. We know what happened next. Well Bill and I came home and changed our prayers. You see we felt like we were on a sinking ship. Bill's job was in new home construction. As you know in this economy was worrisome. Bill had started to learn decorative concrete and was doing this on the side in hopes it could become a new career. We prayed that God would bless this and continue to bless his current employer. He did. Bill's company was doing more work than most others. However it still felt like the ship was going down. We stopped praying for specifics and started praying "God tell us what vases to fill and we will do it." A few days later Bill got asked about a position at a different company. We didn't think much of it. It was commercial and he had want to make the move from residential to commercial for a few years. About one month later Bill accepted a position at the commercial company. Things are not perfect as construction is difficult right now no matter where you are. But it is refreshing to be in a boat with others that are bailing out the water as well. God's timing is perfect. I often remember this time when I'm frustrated that God is not answering my prayers the way I think he should. I tell myself be quite Jennita and fill whatever vase he tells you to for inside that vase he might just have a miracle......

julie moss ironman - Google Videos

In 1982, Julie Moss became worldwide famous during the Hawaii Ironman Triathlon, in which she competed as part of her research for her exercise physiology thesis. At approximately two miles before the finish line, she came severely dehydrated. She staggered and crawled towards the end of the course, only to be passed moments before the finish line by Kathleen McCartney. Her struggle to finish the Ironman was broadcasted live around the world by ABC Sports, and provided inspiration to many.

via video.google.com

Loved hanging out with her

That is something I desire. After I'm gone I want people to say I always felt better about myself after being with her. BIG CHANGE!!! You see if been told my whole life I'm funny. I had someone who once wanted to help me pursue a career in stand up comedy. His dream, not mine. Sadly after becoming a Christian I realized that much of my funniest stuff came at others expenses. I could get people to laugh about someone else at the drop of a hat. That person would be laughing about themselves as well. But is this a life of love? I could make people laugh but where is the lasting effects. I abandoned my humor for a time. That was boring. My room mate in college had a picture of Jesus laughing. I  LOVED IT! Sadly I never thought of Jesus in that way, but I'm certain he probably laughed a lot. The scriptures tell us that children loved Jesus and were drawn to him. Well when was the last time your kids wanted to spend anytime with a grumpy guy who never smiled. I'm certain Jesus smiled and laughed a lot. He had to. I have truly worked on being funny without the cost of someone else's whatever. Still very much a work in progress. Now sarcasm let's save that for a whole other post. Still hoping we can vote it as spiritual gift! As for the stand up comedy bit, let's just say three kids later....well I'd do a sitcom!!!!

A practical moment

So many of you know I make all the kids sandwiches for the week on Sunday, put them in ziplocks and refrigerate them. That way I just throw them in their lunch bags each day. Well on my constant quest to send them a healthy lunch but not spend and hour each day making it I have a new thing I do and though I would share. I go to the store and buy whatever fruit is on special that week. When I get home I cut it all up and put in plastic containers. I found these small containers at Target that have an ice pack that snaps in the top to send in their lunch. Each day I fill that up with a little of each fruit and they love it. So much better that a fruit cup and only a little more work! Happy lunching!

Never wanted to be a soccer mom

My niece threatens to put a soccer mom sticker on the back of my SUV, not mini van. You know the one with the soccer ball surrounded by flames? I protest that I'm not. Truth be told I am. All three in soccer means at least one has practice four nights during the week and we live at the field on Sat for 3 games. When Macey was little I would go and just watch really. I'd clap for her and high five after the game. I would hear other parents yelling and cheering and I thought they were a little much. Macey was not really into soccer as a 5 year old. She just wanted to wear the uniform and be on the team. Around age 7 something in her switched. She started really trying. When that happened something in me switch too. I was yelling and cheering, on the edge of my seat, jumping up and down when she made a goal. I was a little much. Last season was tough. Macey got placed on an awesome team. 3 girls dominated with their skill. Macey shut down. I was so upset with her. Not because she didn't score, but because she didn't try. See since she could not shine as a forward she sat back content to let everyone else on her team do the work. They were in first place undefeated all season. Who doesn't want to be on that team. She had brief moments of effort but mostly just stood around. We talked about effort and giving it your all this year. Be a team player. This season her first game was Sat. I was at Women of Faith. While talking to Bill at the break he starts yelling "Go Macey, again, again, go go go. She just scored!!!!" Tears flew down my cheek. I missed it. I was so proud of her. Not because she scored, that was bonus. It was because she tried. As I thought about it I realized how God must feel when looking down at us. We know that we can do all thing through him who gives us strength. But how he must cheer and well up with pride when we try and do our best. Isn't that all He asks of us is to try? Did you give Him something to cheer about today?

In the middle....

I turned 35 on Sept. 6. The middle. Not in my early thirties, not in my late. Smack dab in the middle. I find myself here in a great number of ways. You see almost to 40. Wow. That seems like an age that brings wisdom. You know the line "She is in her 40's so she probably knows. She has lived it." Well that is only 5 small years away. At 40 I will have a daughter who is going to be wanting a driving permit, she will be 15. At 40 I will have a son who will be 12, one year away from the "teen" years. I will also have another daughter who will be 9. Wow. But here at 35 I sit in the middle of so many more middles. I don't eat unhealthy, but I don't eat as healthy as a should. The middle. I'm not overweight but I'm not as thin as I should be. The middle. I don't ignore God but I'm not doing everything I should be to build his kingdom. The middle. So begins a new series of blog posts that will highlight my progress. You see I am comitting the next 5 years to not be the ones of the last 5. Fear is my core sin. It is why I'm in the middle. No risk, nice and safe. What if I work out and eat right and don't look amazing? What if all the extra skin just hangs and I look worse? What if I put my senf out there like God asks and it blows up in my face? Well, oh well. I'm going to do it. I will not let fear stand in the way of what I'm going to share. I have a great deal of highs and and an awful lot of lows in the last 35 years. I know that God allowed those experiences to grow me. I also know that He wants me to share so that they might be a hope for others. If one person finds hope in my story then I'll do it. Here is to transparency.....

Do it for Daley

There is a contest right now on Facebook for Crazy 8, Daley's favorite store. If you are a member of Facebook please click on the link, become a fan of Crazy 8, then "like" Daley's picture. If your not a member of Facebook, ahum, you know who you are, do it for Daley!!!!

Click Here

This year we bought her flowers

Today my mom should be celebrating her 75 birthday with us. However, she is in Heaven celebrating the almost 6 months she has been with the Lord. Every year we would ask her what she wanted. Always it was small things like bath and body. Usually I spend a few weeks trying to figure out what to buy her. I wanted to get her new cars, diamonds, cruises. However, my budget never allowed for such things. This year was easy, be bought her flowers to place on her grave. Daley and I started our day by dropping everyone else off at school. We then went to take care of the animals. We have to walk right by my moms door. The room is empty, I know. I couldn't help but think that we should be going inside to see my mom sitting in her chair as I convince her to get dressed so we could take her to breakfast. My mom had one of those smiles that brightened a room. She would offer to make Daley chocolate milk, yogurt, whatever she wanted. Always serving others even when it was her day. But today we walked by and feed the animals. We went to buy flowers. Daley said for dead Grandma? She can't even see them! Truth from a four year old. I knew the flowers were really for me. A way of saying I remember. I haven't moved on. As I placed them there Daley was running about. I was crying. The pain of her absence hurts me so deeply. Death sucks. As Daley started to run too far I was yelling for her to stop. I could hear my mom. She would say, Go. She doesn't want to stand around here and look at some rock with my name on it. She wants to go have fun. Get on with it. My mom is right. My mom was not there today. Neither was my dad. They are together again for on her birthday. Everyday is a reminder if her absence. She missed the first day of school this year. She won't be with me to take Daley to her first day preschool next week.She went to everything and had a way of making the most ordinary day a special one. I wonder if they have birthdays in Heaven. Like how many years you've been in eternity. My mom would make you your favorite dinner. I miss you mom. More and more everyday...

Nothing Profound

So sometimes I sit down to blog realizing that I have nothing really profound to say. So for this post just honesty. Spiritual- I'm struggling to read my Bible again. Why? I have lost the passion. I don't "feel' like it. That is dangerous anytime I start acting on feeling I get into trouble. So today I signed up for a daily devotion that also has a link to a daily Bible passage. Weak I know but it is a start right? Wife- I could be better. I have allowed kids schedules and my tiredness to inter fear with household duties. However I think I've done pretty well at moral support. Bill has had a rough week and I've done everything I can think of to be positive. Mom- Um I always feel like I'm treading water here. Macey is a pre teen. Will becoming a young man, and Daley is no longer a toddler. Wow. I wasn't ready for this. Lots of time on my knees before God. Emotionally- m I miss my mom. It hurts. I DREAD the coming holidays. Her birthday is this week. I go grocery shopping and what to call and tell her that her favorite Asian pears are on sale at Sprouts. I'm sitting in her chair that doesn't smell like her as much anymore. Next week will be 6 months...... That's me today. Let's see where tomorrow leads.

I have no buisness blogging right now

Ok So I'm in a whirlwind. I have so many things on my plate. My dad would always say, "Genie, you have to many irons in the fire. If you are not careful one is going to go out." It is me. It is how I'm wired. I do not ask for help, I power through. I don't complain. Why? I love it. I love having my plate so full with people and activities that I'm nearly overwhelmed! Bill not so much. He likes things easy and free. So this post is to tell you two things . One I let someone help me today. You know who you are. Thanks.
two. Bill is amazing. He has taken these crazy weeks in complete stride. As he walked in from a VERY stressful few days at work. I was on the phone defusing a minor issue for marriage getaway. I spent the next hour working on that. Only to see him in the kitchen making dinner with a great attitude as I was going to a dinner meeting for mg. He called because I was late coming home. He left early for work so he could be here on time for small group tonight. He normal starts work at 6 so early is really early. He gets me. He gets that internally I could not be happier. After 11 years he also knows that at the slightest resistance from him, no matter how great everything else is, I would be a wreck. He knows my love language is all of them. At times like these it is acts of service and words. He has filled me to the top this week and I had to take time out of all the tasks sitting here on my desk to tell you!

11 years

Sorry, no wedding pics. Most of you know why. Anyway, 11 years ago I unknowingly set out on the adventure of my life. We have lived in 5 different places. Bought 2 homes, sold one. Had three amazing children. Fought, made up. Compromised, given in. We have experienced life, and death. Been scared, insure. Felt comfort and complete security. This past 11 years I have had the most fun, most love, most pain, most comfort, most everything. We've seen each other at our best and at our worst. There is no one I would rather experience life with. Bill is my BEST friend. He is the one I want to spend time with, talk with, and just be with. I told him after my mom died he better really like me because now there wasn't anyone to send me back to. I know he does and thank God for bring us together!!!!

So

Ok it's been awhile. Summer has been good. Life is going ok. I've stayed very busy doing the two things I love, being a mom and planning events. It has been good to be "Busy". We have decided to put Daley at the Grove 2 days a week until Decmber when she will switch to Harvest FULL TIME. Wow, Three kids in school all day everyday. It's a little scary. I plan on painting and decorating at home (it really needs it) Also, I'm hoping to scrapbook and sell some junk on ebay and craigslist. I will also be alone. That is what scares me. Dealing with the loss of my mom at times feels like looking into a gysier. I'm not certain when it is going to go off but when it does it's gonna burn. I don't want to go there. I don't talk about it. Don't ask don't tell makes it not true right? Not sure to blog much more of my emotions these days are a little to real for even me to admit. We will see how it goes.............

I want to blog

I do. I think about posts all the time. Then when I sit down to type I change my mind or I don't know what to say. I have so much to be thankful for. Yet, I also feel very numb at times. I'm excited about summer, and friendships. I'm trying to purge our house of excess. I also what to do some home maintenance and decorating this summer. So I realize this is all over the place, but that seems to be these days.

Missing my parents

Today I really miss my parents. They had a way of just making things happen. I know this will sound like a spoiled brat, but I didn't hear no very often growing up. Now this made some hard lessons as an adult. But it's true. Dad would always say. let see and then it almost always came to be. After my dad died, my mom took on that roll with my kids. So now as I continue to learn that sometimes the answer is no. I remember that sometimes it can also be not yet. Regardless, I miss them for so many other reasons. This was just the one I was felling at 6 am this morning....

Hello, it me....

Ok I fell of the blog planet for awhile. I'm hoping to get back in the swing of thing. Lots has been happening in the Tibbetts house. More on that later. First I want to catch up on the business.

Macey has been busy with Girl Scouts and loves it...
  Camping at Easter..
Easter with my family....Will's field trip...Father daughter dance....   More to come...

a miracle

So I've noticed latly that God usally doesn't answer my prayers until the "11th hour". Or at least that's what it feels like.I don't think it is because I'm learning patience although I'm definitely learning it. I think it's because if He did it any sooner I think it was me and and not give him the proper glory and credit He deserves. Just an observation while I'm out here floating waiting for the tide to take me back to shore......

Buoy

That's what I feel like most days, a buoy. I float out in the ocean, lots of people see me. A few fish come by now and then. Sometimes a huge wave comes crashing down causing me to fight to reach the top or stabilize in the water. A few things are constant I'm always here floating up and down with the current. I can do nothing to control what happens around me or the next direction my life takes. Only my Maker who put me here can. It's His plan and His ocean. He brings people into my life and takes them out. He determines how long I stay in this spot and when He will move me. He controls the wind and the waves. I blogged before about peaks and valleys. Don't fell like I'm climbing a mountain anymore. I felt in control of thing then. Like I was the one climbing the mountain with Jesus right next to me. Now I feel like I have no control. There is nothing I can do to change my current situation. I will just wait until the Lord changes the current. Until then I'm just out here ....floating.......

How are you doing?

I get asked this ALOT lately.  Truth is it changes day to day sometimes moment to moment. So my usual answer is "ok". Because I am. I'm just ok. I miss my mom. I miss so many things about her. I still haven't figured out what our lives look like without her. I hurt for my kids who are really beginning to miss her. I miss her cooking, her laugh, her millions of phone call. I even miss the way she would ring the door bell like 10 times whenever she came over, always might I add, unannounced. I have not kicked the feeling that this is a terrible mistake and she is going to walk through my front door and the kids will run to hug her like always. Ugg this sucks. So I'm thinking ok is good. It has been 1 month. Some people would say I should be feeling better now. I'm not. I'm just ok.......

A new day

Ok so here it is. We are pretty broke. Bill's down about 40-50% in pay from 2 years ago. So I'm sitting here unable to shop thinking how can I make some $$$.I was a teacher. We all know there are not any of those jobs right now. My resumes are being turned in, but I'm just not counting on it. Anyway, I'm thinking I got to be good at something else right? I am. Believe it or not I can bake, I can sew, well embroider, and I can scrapbook. I have and embroidering machine sitting in my closet just waiting for me. I have boxes of scrapbooking stickers and papers in my garage. And an un-named friend gained 7 pounds from the birthday cake I made  a few weeks ago. I know that is the present you would want, but it means the cake was good right? So that's it. I'm going try to make some extra $$$ doing the stuff I'm good at. I'll update you as I'm in the dreaming phases of this. Oh, and if you think of it pray about this. I'm excited.

Is wondering

How long will it be before is stop thinking every time the phone rings or someone sets their car alarm outside my house is its my mom. And then my next thought is reality. I miss my mom.........

On a lighter note...

Welcome to the world of a very imaginative 4 year old. As most of you know Daley has had an imaginary "bowfriend" named Derick. Well yesterday she went out to coffee (the back yard) with him. Than she came in and said Cinderella was going to take her to a coffee place called California. I later found out Cinderella is a boy. She went on two more date yesterday, one with Hot Tea and another with Hot Water. She is my sunshine and one of 4 reasons I get up everyday. I just never know what the day may bring.

Today's thoughts

Words.This being the third time I've gone through this I have learned much about the grief process I wish I didn't know. A big part is people have no idea what to say. Really it doesn't matter what anyone says because nothing can "fix" it or make me feel better. One thing that I know I don't like is the term, "We lost my ......" My Mom, dad, sister is not lost.  I know exactly where they are. Whenever I miss them I try to think of it like they moved. Moved to paradise. They are so happy. Will said yesterday he wants to be rich enough to build stairs to Heaven so he can visit. The truth is if that were even possible we wouldn't visit. We would move there too. Never wanting to come back. If you knew my sister you know that when we get there she is going to rub it in that she got 8 years with just dad and now she has both of them all to herself. So now I say "They are with the Lord" or "Passed on" not away but on.

One more day

Today we bury my mom. I went this morning to pick up the urn. I wasn't sure it that was going to be hard or not. Really at this point I'm ok. She is not there. What she left here on this earth will be placed with my dad today. Will said a few days ago that he thinks married people should aways be together. If they are in heaven or here. They shouldn't be apart. Wisdom from a six year old. I'm certain my mom is telling everyone about these crazy kids as we speak.

One week ago

As I sit at my computer, trying to regain a new schedule to my life. I am reminded that here is where I was siting one week ago when my sister called to tell me. Still not certain what life looks like without her. I am very certain that I don't want to know. My days are filled with highs and lows. Yesterday I cried at someone singing happy birthday. My mom would call at the crack of dawn and sing happy birthday. If I didn't answer she would leave it on the recorder. I'm sad because I erased all my old messages last week. I wish I could here her voice right now. Yes, there is comfort in knowing how happy she, my dad, and sister are right now. But there is a big selfish me that wishes she were with us.

Sent to me

This was in my inbox today.
7 Stages of Grief...

1. SHOCK & DENIAL-
You will probably
react to learning of the loss with numbed disbelief. You may deny the
reality of the loss at some level, in order to avoid the pain. Shock
provides emotional protection from being overwhelmed all at once. This
may last for weeks.

2. PAIN & GUILT-
As the shock wears
off, it is replaced with the suffering of unbelievable pain. Although
excruciating and almost unbearable, it is important that you experience
the pain fully, and not hide it, avoid it or escape from it with
alcohol or drugs.

You may have guilty feelings or remorse over
things you did or didn't do with your loved one. Life feels chaotic and
scary during this phase.

3. ANGER & BARGAINING-
Frustration
gives way to anger, and you may lash out and lay unwarranted blame for
the death on someone else. Please try to control this, as permanent
damage to your relationships may result. This is a time for the release
of bottled up emotion.

You may rail against fate, questioning
"Why me?" You may also try to bargain in vain with the powers that be
for a way out of your despair ("I will never drink again if you just
bring him back")

4. "DEPRESSION", REFLECTION, LONELINESS-
Just
when your friends may think you should be getting on with your life, a
long period of sad reflection will likely overtake you. This is a
normal stage of grief, so do not be "talked out of it" by well-meaning
outsiders. Encouragement from others is not helpful to you during this
stage of grieving.

During this time, you finally realize the
true magnitude of your loss, and it depresses you. You may isolate
yourself on purpose, reflect on things you did with your lost one, and
focus on memories of the past. You may sense feelings of emptiness or
despair.

7 Stages of Grief...

5. THE UPWARD TURN-
As
you start to adjust to life without your dear one, your life becomes a
little calmer and more organized. Your physical symptoms lessen, and
your "depression" begins to lift slightly.

6. RECONSTRUCTION & WORKING THROUGH-
As
you become more functional, your mind starts working again, and you
will find yourself seeking realistic solutions to problems posed by
life without your loved one. You will start to work on practical and
financial problems and reconstructing yourself and your life without
him or her.

7. ACCEPTANCE & HOPE-
During this, the last
of the seven stages in this grief model, you learn to accept and deal
with the reality of your situation. Acceptance does not necessarily
mean instant happiness. Given the pain and turmoil you have
experienced, you can never return to the carefree, untroubled YOU that
existed before this tragedy. But you will find a way forward.

7 stages of grief...

You
will start to look forward and actually plan things for the future.
Eventually, you will be able to think about your lost loved one without
pain; sadness, yes, but the wrenching pain will be gone. You will once
again anticipate some good times to come, and yes, even find joy again
in the experience of living.

Perceptions

Sorry I'm not in a light-hearted mood lately. I have been learning a great deal about my perceptions lately. Usally it gets me in trouble. For example, I perceive a relationship to be one way and then I over think what the other person perceives the relationship to be, open my mouth about how I'm hurt and bang! Bad move. Back in the days of Bobbie, she would have me verbaly say to Bill, "From my perception..." It was terrific. Not only did Bill hear ok , this is how she sees things, I was reminded that maybe I didn't have it right. We have moved past that however, now I think it could be a valuable tool in my friendships. I have never been a real emotional type girl. I think the hardest part about friendships for me is figuring out where you stand. Like remember in high school it was easy to figure out your BFFs. It was who you spent every passing period and lunch with. You had lots of "friends" but your closest ones were the ones you spent most of your time with.  As adult women it gets weird. Why is she going to lunch. nails, coffee, etc with her and not me? Yuck!! Why are women so weird like that? That is why guys think we're crazy! The whole idea of friendships and the seasons they go through are very um don't even have a word for it to me.

Change...

Ok that has been the only constant lately. We have so many open "boxes" right now.
 Too many to get into. So I've have tried to stay focused on the present. I'm a planner by nature, so this is really hard. Any way there are so many unknowns in our future right now I just can't process them all.When I start to think about my life with any one one of these changes I fell very insecure. What will my life look like if I go back to teaching? Who will be my friends? When will I get to hang out with them? How many people will "replace" me? Ugg. Will there be a different job opening somewhere else? Lord, what do you have for me and my family? I'm glad He knows. I will be very happy when he decides to let me in. Really this was a venting post of my frustration. I had a momentary lack of focus on the present. I promise to post some light hearted pics of Daley's birthday tomorrow.

Let me clarify

I thought of girls night because when I was talking to a friend who played bunco she said that is what they did. Sometimes they played bunco, sometimes catch phrase, sometimes nothing. I was in a bunco group last year. I liked playing bunco. However, I'm a talker. And trying to connect with people, count, and switch. It was kinda like speed dating. I just want to hang out! My friend said they still took everyones $10 so they could do something fun! OK so who else is lazy and just want to hang out?????

Girls night club???

Ok two posts in a day. I know what is wrong with me. I've been thinking of doing a monthly girls night thing. Here is my thoughts 1) open to whoever. 2) If you want to be a regular, you sign up to have it a your house one month. 3) Everyone pays $10 a month. That means once a year we all go to Glen Ivy or something and each girl will have $120 saved to pay for the day. 4) If it is at your house, you do the evites, you feed everyone (snacks whatever), and chose the activity. Game night, chick flick, WHATEVER! Just hanging out and having fun. No set structure. 5) Always casual. This could mean sweats, pjs, whatever.
So what do you think? I think I do and invitation on Facebook. I wanted to get some input first.....

What do you want to be when you grow up?

When I was a kid it was either a lawyer or an actress.Truth be told I would jump at the opportunity to be on the big screen or the one in you living room. As many of you know I'm thinking of going back to work. Bill being in construction... do I really need to elaborate? Hey, we always said when times are good there good and when they are bad, well we all know. That's construction! Anywho, I am faced with choices to make. I still need to be a mom and I don't want the kids in daycare. I have been a stay at home, unemployed mom for almost 7 years! So I contemplate what my passions are, what I have done, what does back to school, WHO IS HIRING? So as sit here and pray and wonder, what do I want to be NOW that I have grown up and have the additional responsibilities as a parent? If you still come to visit this neck of my blog woods, please help me pray, not for a job, but for clarity......What do you want to be now that you've grown up?

Update

So I sit here with my Watermelon Jolly Rancher sucker I stole from Will's Valentines it is safe to say I slipped. Not totally. I just gave in to a little sugar. Life has just been too crazy. Trust me I know it is not an excuse. However, between tring to take care of family, extended included and normal duties I'm tring to keep my head above water!!! Oh and because life has been so crazy (side note my mom is doing much better and driving again) Daley has become very defiant. It's not like her at all. She has always been a firecracker but this is different. I have left stores with full carts because she didn't get her popcorn fast enough. She has even picked up hitting. Now mind you this is all stuff she only does with me and her siblings. It is just very exhausting to be continually discipling her. Now she calls me mean mommy! Ugg I really wanted to take them to the movies or something today. However, I just can't reward her bad behavior. So unfair for my other two. Pray for peace in our neck of the woods.....

Detox

Remember um yesterday when I said I was going to start eating healthy? This is hard. My body has so become addicted to sugar it is going through withdrawals!!! I have a headache and I'm exhausted. I will not give in though! Oh, how I am tempted. I will get through this. I'm so mad at myself for getting to this point! I know I will feel so much better.......

A long time....

That's what it been. Not that nothing has happened. Just nothing I care to write about in this big blogsphere. I'm hoping to get back on track. I miss it sometimes. I've been playing on Facebook more. So as I attempt to be real without fear of judgment and gossip I vow to post at least once a week. If anyone even still reads this????
First real moment. HEALTH. I eat like a three year old without a parent. SUGAR SUGAR SUGAR. Today is day one of my new healthy diet. Let's see. Egg and spinach omlete and a side of strawberries for breakfast. That used to be coffee with a ton of sugar and a chocolate poptart. Sad I know.... That real for ya!