Inland Empire Barbie

 

Ok, I was born and raised in the IE. So I think this is so funny!!!!!




Mattel recently announced the release of the improved limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Inland Empire area market:

"Rancho Cucamonga Barbie"
This
princess Barbie is sold only at Victoria Gardens. She comes with an
assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV, a long-haired foreign
dog named Honey and a cookie-cutter house. Available with or without
tummy tuck and face lift. Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with
the augmented version.



"Upland Barbie"
The
modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan
and matching gym outfit. She gets lost easily and has no full-time
occupation. Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.



"Pomona Barbie"
This
recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, a Ray Lewis knife, a
Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit. This model is only
available after dark and must be paid for in cash (preferably small,
untraceable bills) .unless you are a cop, then we don't know what you
are talking about.



"Chino Hills Barbie"
This
yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2.
Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club
membership Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private
School Skipper. You won't be able to afford any of them.



"Fontucky Barbie"
This
pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small,
a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder. She has a
six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set. She can spit over
5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's butt when she is drunk. Purchase
her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker
absolutely free.



"Hesperia Barbie"
This
tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own high-heeled
sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken
out of Fontucky Barbie's house. Her ensemble includes low-rise
acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top. Also
available with a mobile home.



"Claremont Barbie"
This
doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair,
arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white
socks. She prefers that you call her Willow. She does not want or need
a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Barbies and the optional Subaru
wagon, you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free. These barbies
love to hang out with included protest banners on Arrow and Indian
Hill.



"San Bernardino Barbie"
This
Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional accessories
include a GED and bus pass. Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were
available, but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the
infant.